he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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