i already hear my dad disowning me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
