I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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