Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
