Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
