NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
