i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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