GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
