Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
