My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
