Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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