Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
