I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
