Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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