Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
