I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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