lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
