I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
