im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
