Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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