Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
