When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
