Three words: puerto rican gang bang
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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