Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
