She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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