He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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