I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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