pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
