On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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