Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
