come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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