My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
