I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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