i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
