you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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