i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He shit in the fireplace
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
