We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
