I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
