I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
