I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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