So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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