Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
