youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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