I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my shit smells like andre
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
