I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
