just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
