Can Purell be used as lube?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
