Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
