I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
