erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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