My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
