in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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