We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
