I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
