Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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