I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
