I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
