You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
