I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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