I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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