Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize