Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
