he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
