man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
