barbara walters just said penis...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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