so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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