his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
