They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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