I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
