There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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