he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She even gives head with a lisp.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize