And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
