Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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