I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize