I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
