Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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