I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
