If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
