If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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