her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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