he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
