i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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