im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
