I wanna passion pit in your ass
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
