You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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