I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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