Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
