Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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