If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
