His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
