Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
