how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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