Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i may or may not be watching the land before time
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
