i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You've changed since you got that strap on
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
