I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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