I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
