she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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