That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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