I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize