My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
