I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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