Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
