When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
